Catch me if you can... Evoking happiness!

On my previous post, catch me if you can I was reflecting about the importance of self-care in motherhood and promised to share with you some of the practices I have found most helpful in times of exhaustion and dysfunction. We all know how hard it is to try to balance time and space for ourselves in motherhood; it is almost impossible if not... a joke! but sometimes we just have to claim it! so, to begin, the first logical step is to make self-care a priority and open a slot in our daily life for it. It doesn't necessarily need to be a complicated activity but a time aside to detect what is that you need the most at that particular moment. 

I want to elaborate for you a conscious route of possibilities that with time will help you bring balance between "you" and "motherhood" so you can evoke happiness and thrive!

Self-care is such a foreign word in motherhood but the essential cornerstone to foster healthy habits for ourselves when evoking happiness. More than a to-do list to cope, self-care has to be a conscientious choice for wellness; although we each have particular needs there are two general aspects where to focus for a healthy body, mind and emotional stability. 

• Your physical and spiritual wellbeing.
• Your social network.

Physical and spiritual wellbeing

Physical: The biggest obstacle for me when I attempt to claim space to rest or just detached from my routine is the inability to say no! I like to enroll in everything and do everything on a very tight schedule. Without a doubt, this is the root of my physical exhaustion! so, after realizing it, I came to conclude that the perfect beginning to my physical wellness is to learn to say "No".

• No! to adding more activities, when I feel I am already exhausted.
• No! to wanting to do everything for everybody; instead be open for help and learn to delegate.
• No! to rushing into life. Pray for it HERE
• No! to glorifying busy... instead bask in simplicity! Read about this HERE 

No! is the first choice to outline our boundaries. No! requires humility first and foremost, because it brings to light all our limitations; so when you start feeling you are losing it, is just your body and mind's breakpoint begging for attention. Learn to say no! to prevent physical exhaustion.

Once we learn to say no to all that drains us, we are finally opening space for ourselves! and we come about to the second step in our physical wellness: Learn to listen to your body! Here, we can list several general problems we moms can relate to; tiredness, headaches, body aches, you name it! we go through them all.

To me, it all begins with sleep deprivation! Many will state this only applies to those with little kids, but it also happens when kids are sick or even when we just decide to enjoy ourselves after the kids go to bed, because it is the only time we have to watch a movie, to read or whatever. Nevertheless, we know the next day we will pay for it... full force! so what to do? how can we squish a little extra zzzz in our day? 

• First, for those with babies: we have to try to sleep when the baby sleeps, even if that calls to ask for family or friends to cover for us at least for a couple hours. It truly makes a difference! also, try to help your baby sleep better by giving him/her a lavender bath at night.
• When sickness strikes: is our mom's duty to care for our kids. It is very demanding but, never underestimate the role of prayer here! ask God for strength, he will provide. Also, reach out for help so you can catch up on zzzz!
• As much fun as it is to stay up late at night after the kids go to bed, we all know it will never be the same as it used to be back when we were young, because kids get up so early and mornings are plain ruthless, so if the idea is to achieve a little time for ourselves and also not to be behind sleep... the best solution is to send kids to bed early enough to give you time to enjoy at least an hour for leisure and also a rested night. (yes! here it takes work to implement this, but if you are consistent, routine will stick and you will achieve this slot at night just for you!)
• Take naps! Pop a movie for the kids and snooze a little bit. Make sure everyone is taking care of first and once the coast is clear... Dive into the most refreshing 5 minutes ever! Yes! In real life, it is all we can achieve until someone wants a snack, or cries, or fights. Don't let this let you down, claim those power naps once again!

All sounds great and all you may say, but once things work I just can't fall asleep! ha! I thought you may say that 😏 so I have some ideas here that have worked for me, I hope it helps:

• Take a warm bath before bed add lavender oil or salts, be sure to hydrate before and after.
• Drink tea! chamomile is my to go tea!
• unplug! yes, no phone! 
• Pray the rosary or just be in God's presence and give Him all the happenings of your day! unload your mind and heart to Him that can do all things so you can rest!
• Read a good book!
• Practice breathing techniques to relax your body 15 minutes before getting in bed. 
• Lastly, make sure your room is cool and dark so melatonin levels kick in!

There you go! Claim your sleep to give your body time to heal and replenish. Now let's move on to our next step.

Once your body rests, it needs nourishment; not just food but also vitamins and supplements. Here, take it one meal at the time, but above all make sure you are having breakfast, please! The first meal is essential to function throughout the day. We moms feed everyone but at the end, our porridge is always cold! However, there are ways to help get everyone back at the table simultaneously, including you! give them a try.

• Try to prepare breakfast ahead a time, either night before (bake in advance, cut fruit ready to serve, etc) or before kids get up!
• Come back to the table with the kids, this is important! you don't imagine how much this helps to bring order in family life, not just assures you to sit and eat but fosters manners and discipline. So bring back the table beauty, include the kids in the process! set it up and stick to it. Best conversations happen there!
• Use the crockpot, instapot or pressure cooker! this makes a tremendous difference. Having the main course ready saves so much time.

Eat slowly and enjoy every bite! do it on purpose, your body deserves it! hydrate as well, If you have diet goals, go for it! if you have medications or supplements make sure you take them religiously so you can heal. Also look into eating clean; once we become mothers we have the tendency to just fill our body instead of nourishing it. That is a mistake, giving birth takes away so much from our bodies, that is not enough to just feel satisfied, instead make a conscientious choice! read the labels, introduce organic foods, try to make things from scratch and dump the processed, one step at the time. Unfortunately, the food market is not offering quality but quantity, and remember we are making physical wellness a priority, so what enters your body matters and shows!

The third step would be... Exercise or an activity. Many of us with kids do not have time to commit to a sport, but if you do go for it! Our bodies need to be exercised and moving, choose any activity, simply start with walking, take the kids in the mornings or by yourself in the afternoons; whatever it works at the moment but take time to be out and about. I used to go out for bike rides in the afternoons with my oldest daughters, before being pregnant; it was such a great addition to my day, not only I felt light and energized but also it cleared my mind from stress and overthinking. We also do at times aerobics or stretching using YouTube videos, even dancing is one of our favorite workout activities, it gets you moving in the best mood! 

And our last step, pampering! Have you noticed your skin lately? Your nails? Your hair? They are normally ready for the day, but they can use a little pampering, extra attention. It is true that with kids is hard to go places and schedule for ourselves this services, but if you are able, do it! Treat yourself occasionally and let that, highlight your day! Go and get your hair done! Get a mani and a pedi! A facial maybe? Just a blow-dry? You deserve it, you still alive and beautiful! 

Now, what about all those days you just can't go to the hair salon? easy! Take time at home and DIY. I ask some nights hubby to cover for me while I do my nails or my hair. I don't need an occasion,  I do it because I want to, because I need it for me! I can also include my girls and make it fun! Of course! We can make homemade scrubs and face masks and do our spa at home. I mean, just take time to take care of you! Care for your body's health and appearance in a way that inspires your kids to just do the same! remember how you are their compass for self-acceptance and love.

Spiritual

Our spiritual state can be linked simultaneously with our emotional and mental wellness because they work intrinsically in what we call: "internal life" Therefore practices that allow time for solitude and encourage reflection are the best help to improve this area in our lives. Sometimes motherhood makes you feel isolated and even disconnected from yourself;  it is imperative therefore to nurture that missing connection between your inner voice and God's in order to fulfill a genuine stability. I have found so much balance in my motherly life whenever I am able to recollect my thoughts in solitude and gain a fresh perspective on things. Though solitude is the biggest factor to gain ground in the spiritual field,  silence seems to be the main feature that allows meaningful spiritual advances. It is not enough to have time alone if we spend it going through our phone or watching T.V. If we want to achieve internal peace and mental order amongst the chaos of our busy motherly lives, we must strive to enrich our souls and attain peace. 

To me, prayer is a crucial outlet for my soul. Here, at last, I am able to be in solitude and in silence! Time in the presence of God as mentioned before centers me and allows me to unload not only my mental clutter but my heavy emotional load.  As I write these lines I long for the time to be alone in prayer, because I need God daily at my side, accompanying me through it all, I need Him to guide me and to listen without judgment, I need His light to see where I can't and to heal where only He can operate in me.  I cannot stress enough how important it is to claim this space alone with God every day.

Absolutely!  you may agree, but how? I understand completely if you doubt it is possible, I have currently a baby, a toddler, and I homeschool 3 kids, but even under this scenario it is possible to do it, here a couple of ideas to make prayer viable in your day:

• Wake up earlier than the kids and use 15 minutes to pray or read the Scripture (This advice was given to me by a priest and has changed entirely the course of my days). Here make sure to place your plans in God's hands and ask for guidance for whatever is to come.
• Find quiet opportunities in chores to elevate a prayer, maybe praying a rosary while folding clothes? or just an Our Father/Hail Mary while doing dishes? keep God close as your day goes on!
• In the afternoon try to implement a quiet hour for you and the kids, where you can read, meditate or pray.
• Try as possible to go to the chapel at least one day a week. This time is ideal for you to get quality time alone and also to take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation!
• Use your time outside in nature to lift a prayer or to stop and meditate.
• Take advantage of car rides! Here is where I do most of my thinking, prayers, and meditation believe it or not.
• And lastly, before going to bed, finish strong by reviewing your day and give to God all your worries and anxieties. Feel free to use these prayers: HERE and HERE.

Now that with meditation, solitude, silence, and prayer we overviewed our spiritual wellness, we should briefly explore practices that assure also our mental and emotional strength. 

Simple things such as reading, writing, listening to music or repeat positive affirmations can definitely uplift your spirit and contribute to your overall wellness:

• Reading a good book for sure contributes to the health of your mind, not only because it provides you alternatives and expands your way of thinking but also because it slows you down and refreshes you from the overload of images found online. Your mind nowadays clearly needs a break from the burden of technology! I personally try to read a little bit every night, I have the habit of reading two or three books at the time, to keep some variety at hand.
• Personally, writing has been an amazing gift; there are times when I am completely overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and I cannot seem to find a healthy channel to let it all out, so I reached out and a friend suggested to write a journal, so I did! It has helped me immensely to express all my emotions, to visualize my worries and goals, to find inspiration, be creative and to draw new hopes but most importantly, it has helped me to be accountable to myself, here is when this blog came about and by far it has been my greatest journal exercise ever! 
• Listening to music to me, is such a powerful channel to express our emotions, is also a very successful way to let go of tension. Music has such an influential effect on our mood that it can almost be therapeutical. Call me crazy but I sing all the time and my repertoire varies depending on the emotion, I just belt it without prejudice and enjoy the adrenaline and freedom of being able to do it loudly😊 hahaha. I sing in the shower, in the car, when I am happy when I am frustrated and even when I am angry. Music brings me back to happier times. So, If I feel the need to cheer up, I just tune in my favorite songs and evoke that moment of happiness. Do it! Regardless if your kids think of it as overrated or boring; is part of who you are, enjoy and connect with yourself once again through music ♫♫♫... your music🎝🎝🎝!
• Positive affirmations or self-talk is a great way to build yourself up in difficult times. Words are powerful, but we forget and we are harsh on ourselves, we get stuck on the failures or mistakes and love to blame and label our actions. This kind of talk seems ok to us because we justify it behind discipline and righteousness, don't take me wrong accountability is good, but we all know what I am talking about here; at times we can be ruthless and crush our spirits with negativity and lack of compassion. So, learning to be kind to ourselves by the way we speak is a work of love, learning to speak words of light in times of darkness is a work of faith and learning to speak goodness at all times is a work of strength. Now, begin by enouncing short affirmations before your day begins, such as: "I am happy, healthy and filled with God's grace" fight your darkest moments with gratitude and hope instead of despair. Call me crazy again if you want, but I am hahaha 😊, I use the mirror, yes! I look myself in the eyes and speak these same words; is my way to get serious and concentrate. Is my way to connect and find "me" again. Talking to myself is important, not crazy, important! The first relationship I should cultivate is my own. I need to have my own back when the world seems to fall apart; if not me, then who will? We have the tendency to rely on others for moral support, but if they cannot fulfill the gap, I must be there for me, knowing that I am valuable and loved. I must remind myself these truths often assured that all the tools I need for every important change, reside within!
• Lastly, enjoy as much as you can the outdoors, being in contact with nature for sure lightens up the mental and emotional load we may carry. The park, the beach, the river, the mountains are wide enough, simple enough to let go of our burdens, sometimes all it takes is a deep breath to rediscover equilibrium and a fresh approach. 

Social Network

Our social network is simply the people with whom we decide to share the ups and downs of our lives. The friends, the family members, and even the acquaintances that in a way help us mantain a grownup status and refresh our days with pleasant memories and support. This last aspect of self-care is such a powerful supplement for wellness because it keeps us as individuals and it preserves our identities outside motherhood.

Mothers have a hard time keeping up with social life for themselves, we strive hard on giving our kids one, but we leave behind and almost hide the fact that we can also enjoy the company and friendship of grownups. Our days are dedicated solely to the lives of our kids, and it seems at times that all the activities and celebrations revolve mostly around them. Hence let's make sure we have a network and a support system that celebrates us for who we are, with whom we can talk and laugh, go out and enjoy as well as to share hobbies and activities to keep us feeling adequate and inspired.

Motherhood can make you feel isolated, but it doesn't have to be that way. Is up to you to evoke your own happiness, so do not let these feelings take over your life; instead, take action and work hard in cherishing friendships that help you celebrate who you are, that can take you away from reality for an instant to brighten your day and that accepts you just as you are. They are the emotional fuel we so much need. 

Now that end of the year draws near, let us take to heart this resolution: "I'll take care of myself first before taking care of others because I want to evoke happiness for me and my whole family". 

Happy New year friends!

Thanks for reading 

Hurricane Irma... 3 lessons 3 gifts!

Dear readers and friends, I am back at writing! Not sure where to even begin...
Sorry, it has taken this long to get back, but much has happened... 

I wish I had more uplifting and practical material for you, but this time I have to share difficult memories and reflections during this time of anguish and confusion...

A couple of weeks ago Florida was under the imminent hit of the most powerful hurricane ever seen. The news were trying to keep up with the phenomenon and even science was left uncertain of its path... At home we began preparations and took things very seriously; we have been through "Charlie" back in 2004 and know that hurricanes could rapidly escalate. At first, probability models were giving us a bit of hope that it may turn East towards the Atlantic, but as the days went by things were looking bad for the area I live. We stock up on food, supplies, put up the shutters and made sure we had a  suitcase ready in case of an evacuation due to flooding. We were not ready to leave like many did because we really were concerned about my husband's  job and my advanced pregnancy state. The news were devastating in the Caribbean and to the contrary of the predictions, touching land was not decreasing its size and power; worst of all, it was now coming straight to us. The forecast showed sadly that it was our turn to experience "Irma's eye" right over our city. 

That night I prayed incessantly, I was filled with fear for my kids and my baby not yet born, I begged God to calm the winds and the waters as He did in The Sea of Galilee. I entrusted myself to His providence and asked for guidance on what to do. You have no idea the anguish that filled my soul with the thought of the aftermath, I think I have never been so terrified yet so sure of God's power, I entrusted completely our family to His Divine Mercy. 

Next morning approached and I woke up unlikely early with so much anxiety in see how things developed overnight. I hoped for a miracle that could deliver us from a catastrophic hurricane. But the news were worst than I ever hoped; "Irma" had doubled its size and remained a high category 4 almost 5 hurricane, the possibility of flooding and surge was now at the catastrophic level ... 
Here my life stopped for a minute and horror filled every inch of my body. I begged my husband to leave, he was not that concerned before, but with the latest turn of events, it took him by surprise and almost disbelieve to acknowledge the imminent threat. He decided to agree with me and we began to pack like crazy. Kids were sleeping and we had to act fast, we had only one day, roads were packed and gas was not a guarantee. We called our family and told them our decision, it was crazy late but at the same time at the edge of being possible, we hoped we could all go, but instead, they had to stay, not easy stuff to process in such a short time, but we had to make sure the kids were safe first and foremost ...

Surviving... All comes down to this! 
Did you ever imagine having your life turned upside down all of the sudden the way we had and think of surviving? crazy!   It surely took us by surprise, no one is ever ready for something like this ... We have it all planned out! right? but what about normal? here is where life gets real my friends, and all our fantasy world of planning and routine and silly structures takes a turn to important matters. Life can change in a matter of seconds and not at all lined to our plans. Take a brief moment to meditate on what this means and calls for our attention: we have to learn to live life as it comes not as we think it should be, do we even have control of anything anyways? We live by faith, every step of the way, this lesson of acceptance and humility and surrender of our own will is not to take lightly. What we have learned, changed deeply the way we have been handling life, once again try to think with me at that moment... all becomes simple: just take with you your loved ones and essentials, leave everything behind and if you have the chance to leave do it at once without hesitation but trustful surrender... 

That was my real moment, friends!

Our family and our parents supported us more than we can ever imagine, their sacrificial love was the biggest treasure and love lesson I ever witness before, those seconds of fast thinking and clarity in the midst of chaos reveal of a person what it truly  is in their hearts and where their treasure lays.. friends I cannot stress enough the pondering all these left me... 

Once on the road, just getting out of Florida as fast as possible, was the main focus, the size of Irma was massive and covered the entire state so there was no time to stop. We had no idea where to head more than North so I used social media to get resources that could help us maneuver roads and gas. Here is where the love began to pour: yes! friends and family even strangers, beautiful strangers heard us and became involved, active. They began to pray, to guide, to offer their help abundantly!

With this preamble of what Irma meant even before it passed by, I came to meditate the 3 lessons and 3 gifts we were given during this time. 

I can say the First lesson I learned was to "let go and let God" all the way ... yes! letting go of control is a struggle in the normal basis for me, but this time I had no choice but to let go fear. Fear of our family members being trapped or hurt, fear of powerlessness for the suffering many will endure, fear of going into labor, fear of the unknown situation after coming back, fear of fear... Irma took us all for a ride ... an uncertain ride, all we could do, was to let life unfold the way was already heading, whatever God had in store for us was His will and we had to accept it.

The second lesson was to "Pray like if all depends on God and work like it all depends on you" we did everything we had to do to secure our home and prepare for the aftermath, and last minute we put all our might in keeping  safe our family, but we were powerless against Irma and that was a fact, then we did what our hearts needed the most... Pray! desperately we needed to drop our load onto stronger shoulders, we needed to depend completely on the One everything belongs to, we had to ask for an extraordinary help, we had to plea for mercy upon many, we had to extend our circle of compassion and pray for every soul that was about to be affected by this. Only God could be entrusted with this! We were completely in His hands. 

The third lesson I must say was to "never underestimate the power of prayer".  As soon as trust is in place, suddenly a breeze of peace takes over. I was amazed at the outpour of prayers and honest concern from our loved ones and friends; it is powerful and plain beautiful. You come to understand unity in a new light, like a force of goodness, prayer for one another lifts you up from despair to hope.

With this last lesson, we received the first gift: Mercy. As I mentioned it before Irma entered Florida as a strong category 4 hurricane and advanced throughout unlike any other. Scary enough to suck up the waters off the shore and with an impressive pressure that was detected even by earthquake's sensors. It surely hit badly they keys and brought an unbelievable amount of water. But as it came closer to our city it decreased in power and was reduced to category 3. Glory be to God! we expected the worst. Many may say it was luck, it was just a consequence of landing, but I am completely sure it was prayer that made this possible! We were granted mercy! Nevertheless, the damage was large and complex, but again it could it be way worst.

The second gift was without a doubt: Family.  Our family members were our biggest treasure, we rediscovered in a deep sense the feel of it. Family took us out of the storm, family sheltered us from the storm and family strengthened us after the storm. Their generous hearts, their honest concern, their loving welcome cannot be forgotten. God was with us in each one of them. Our hearts were humbled, open to receive and grateful beyond measure. God bless you all, we love you!

And lastly the third gift was a renewed desire to live: Cannot lie, there was much anxiety, darkness, and hopelessness during all this, maybe my pregnant self-was a bit more sensitive to all this than the average person. But I can assure you that my mind raced with questions: why a baby? why now? why like this? I thought of pain and suffering to the extent of despair, yes! I was weak and a coward. My faith trembled, but at the same time I looked for Him more than ever and surrender to whatever He decided to do with me and my family. Our Lord was faithful when I was weak, and He provided more than I could ever hope for us. His gift of life is that everlasting promise of unconditional love. This baby has a purpose and each one of my kids, at this pretty moment and under this circumstances, all this is His will at work.  

Coming back was the other part of this experience. Main roads were closed and power and water were not fully restored. We were just half way from facing all these chaos. We made it back through alternate roads and were prepared with gas and supplies from up North. Luckily we came after much was already done. I was admired and devastated to see the damage and the recovery simultaneously. I longed to get home, but I knew we had -along with the rest of Floridians- to deal with the lack of power at our house. With kids and in my state I knew, it was going to be a challenge, but I also knew that workers were doing above and beyond to reestablish us all back to normality.


We endured only two days of this, it wasn't easy but we were grateful to find a home and all our stuff intact, we also had water and our neighbor offered to share his generator to power some fans to help us through the night. It was not ideal, but let's be real we had more than others and we were grateful. It is easy to fall in desperation, but we are blessed to be in a country where things get restored one way or the other. It is inspiring to see everyone providing, comforting others and donating themselves: from first responders, power line workers, grocery store staff, to neighbors. 

We are now back to "normal" and exhausted from this journey, but with a load of meditations lessons and gifts, no other experience could provide. Some are vulnerable, others feel strong, others uncertain, others assured, but I can say we are all changed by these interior storms. We have shared suffering and hope. We have been granted the chance to rebuild, to be grateful and to be mindful.

If you are reading this and do not live in a disaster area, take the time to ponder all these things in your heart and expand prayers and acts of thoughtfulness towards those who lost much, but above all use your blessings to be hope! go ahead hug your loved ones tight, rediscover their eyes and thank God for His will in your life. 

Thanks for reading
Blessings
Liz