On my previous post, catch me if you can I was reflecting about the importance of self-care in motherhood and promised to share with you some of the practices I have found most helpful in times of exhaustion and dysfunction. We all know how hard it is to try to balance time and space for ourselves in motherhood; it is almost impossible if not... a joke! but sometimes we just have to claim it! so, to begin, the first logical step is to make self-care a priority and open a slot in our daily life for it. It doesn't necessarily need to be a complicated activity but a time aside to detect what is that you need the most at that particular moment.
I want to elaborate for you a conscious route of possibilities that with time will help you bring balance between "you" and "motherhood" so you can evoke happiness and thrive!
Self-care is such a foreign word in motherhood but the essential cornerstone to foster healthy habits for ourselves when evoking happiness. More than a to-do list to cope, self-care has to be a conscientious choice for wellness; although we each have particular needs there are two general aspects where to focus for a healthy body, mind and emotional stability.
- Your physical and spiritual wellbeing.
- Your social network.
Physical and spiritual wellbeing
Physical: The biggest obstacle for me when I attempt to claim space to rest or just detached from my routine is the inability to say no! I like to enroll in everything and do everything on a very tight schedule. Without a doubt, this is the root of my physical exhaustion! so, after realizing it, I came to conclude that the perfect beginning to my physical wellness is to learn to say "No".
- No! to adding more activities, when I feel I am already exhausted.
- No! to wanting to do everything for everybody; instead be open for help and learn to delegate.
- No! to rushing into life. Pray for it HERE
- No! to glorifying busy... instead bask in simplicity! Read about this HERE
No! is the first choice to outline our boundaries. No! requires humility first and foremost, because it brings to light all our limitations; so when you start feeling you are losing it, is just your body and mind's breakpoint begging for attention. Learn to say no! to prevent physical exhaustion.
Once we learn to say no to all that drains us, we are finally opening space for ourselves! and we come about to the second step in our physical wellness: Learn to listen to your body! Here, we can list several general problems we moms can relate to; tiredness, headaches, body aches, you name it! we go through them all.
To me, it all begins with sleep deprivation! Many will state this only applies to those with little kids, but it also happens when kids are sick or even when we just decide to enjoy ourselves after the kids go to bed, because it is the only time we have to watch a movie, to read or whatever. Nevertheless, we know the next day we will pay for it... full force! so what to do? how can we squish a little extra zzzz in our day?
- First, for those with babies: we have to try to sleep when the baby sleeps, even if that calls to ask for family or friends to cover for us at least for a couple hours. It truly makes a difference! also, try to help your baby sleep better by giving him/her a lavender bath at night.
- When sickness strikes: is our mom's duty to care for our kids. It is very demanding but, never underestimate the role of prayer here! ask God for strength, he will provide. Also, reach out for help so you can catch up on zzzz!
- As much fun as it is to stay up late at night after the kids go to bed, we all know it will never be the same as it used to be back when we were young, because kids get up so early and mornings are plain ruthless, so if the idea is to achieve a little time for ourselves and also not to be behind sleep... the best solution is to send kids to bed early enough to give you time to enjoy at least an hour for leisure and also a rested night. (yes! here it takes work to implement this, but if you are consistent, routine will stick and you will achieve this slot at night just for you!)
- Take naps! Pop a movie for the kids and snooze a little bit. Make sure everyone is taking care of first and once the coast is clear... Dive into the most refreshing 5 minutes ever! Yes! In real life, it is all we can achieve until someone wants a snack, or cries, or fights. Don't let this let you down, claim those power naps once again!
All sounds great and all you may say, but once things work I just can't fall asleep! ha! I thought you may say that 😏 so I have some ideas here that have worked for me, I hope it helps:
- Take a warm bath before bed add lavender oil or salts, be sure to hydrate before and after.
- Drink tea! chamomile is my to go tea!
- unplug! yes, no phone!
- Pray the rosary or just be in God's presence and give Him all the happenings of your day! unload your mind and heart to Him that can do all things so you can rest!
- Read a good book!
- Practice breathing techniques to relax your body 15 minutes before getting in bed.
- Lastly, make sure your room is cool and dark so melatonin levels kick in!
There you go! Claim your sleep to give your body time to heal and replenish. Now let's move on to our next step.
Once your body rests, it needs nourishment; not just food but also vitamins and supplements. Here, take it one meal at the time, but above all make sure you are having breakfast, please! The first meal is essential to function throughout the day. We moms feed everyone but at the end, our porridge is always cold! However, there are ways to help get everyone back at the table simultaneously, including you! give them a try.
- Try to prepare breakfast ahead a time, either night before (bake in advance, cut fruit ready to serve, etc) or before kids get up!
- Come back to the table with the kids, this is important! you don't imagine how much this helps to bring order in family life, not just assures you to sit and eat but fosters manners and discipline. So bring back the table beauty, include the kids in the process! set it up and stick to it. Best conversations happen there!
- Use the crockpot, instapot or pressure cooker! this makes a tremendous difference. Having the main course ready saves so much time.
Eat slowly and enjoy every bite! do it on purpose, your body deserves it! hydrate as well, If you have diet goals, go for it! if you have medications or supplements make sure you take them religiously so you can heal. Also look into eating clean; once we become mothers we have the tendency to just fill our body instead of nourishing it. That is a mistake, giving birth takes away so much from our bodies, that is not enough to just feel satisfied, instead make a conscientious choice! read the labels, introduce organic foods, try to make things from scratch and dump the processed, one step at the time. Unfortunately, the food market is not offering quality but quantity, and remember we are making physical wellness a priority, so what enters your body matters and shows!
The third step would be... Exercise or an activity. Many of us with kids do not have time to commit to a sport, but if you do go for it! Our bodies need to be exercised and moving, choose any activity, simply start with walking, take the kids in the mornings or by yourself in the afternoons; whatever it works at the moment but take time to be out and about. I used to go out for bike rides in the afternoons with my oldest daughters, before being pregnant; it was such a great addition to my day, not only I felt light and energized but also it cleared my mind from stress and overthinking. We also do at times aerobics or stretching using YouTube videos, even dancing is one of our favorite workout activities, it gets you moving in the best mood!
And our last step, pampering! Have you noticed your skin lately? Your nails? Your hair? They are normally ready for the day, but they can use a little pampering, extra attention. It is true that with kids is hard to go places and schedule for ourselves this services, but if you are able, do it! Treat yourself occasionally and let that, highlight your day! Go and get your hair done! Get a mani and a pedi! A facial maybe? Just a blow-dry? You deserve it, you still alive and beautiful!
Now, what about all those days you just can't go to the hair salon? easy! Take time at home and DIY. I ask some nights hubby to cover for me while I do my nails or my hair. I don't need an occasion, I do it because I want to, because I need it for me! I can also include my girls and make it fun! Of course! We can make homemade scrubs and face masks and do our spa at home. I mean, just take time to take care of you! Care for your body's health and appearance in a way that inspires your kids to just do the same! remember how you are their compass for self-acceptance and love.
Spiritual
Our spiritual state can be linked simultaneously with our emotional and mental wellness because they work intrinsically in what we call: "internal life" Therefore practices that allow time for solitude and encourage reflection are the best help to improve this area in our lives. Sometimes motherhood makes you feel isolated and even disconnected from yourself; it is imperative therefore to nurture that missing connection between your inner voice and God's in order to fulfill a genuine stability. I have found so much balance in my motherly life whenever I am able to recollect my thoughts in solitude and gain a fresh perspective on things. Though solitude is the biggest factor to gain ground in the spiritual field, silence seems to be the main feature that allows meaningful spiritual advances. It is not enough to have time alone if we spend it going through our phone or watching T.V. If we want to achieve internal peace and mental order amongst the chaos of our busy motherly lives, we must strive to enrich our souls and attain peace.
To me, prayer is a crucial outlet for my soul. Here, at last, I am able to be in solitude and in silence! Time in the presence of God as mentioned before centers me and allows me to unload not only my mental clutter but my heavy emotional load. As I write these lines I long for the time to be alone in prayer, because I need God daily at my side, accompanying me through it all, I need Him to guide me and to listen without judgment, I need His light to see where I can't and to heal where only He can operate in me. I cannot stress enough how important it is to claim this space alone with God every day.
Absolutely! you may agree, but how? I understand completely if you doubt it is possible, I have currently a baby, a toddler, and I homeschool 3 kids, but even under this scenario it is possible to do it, here a couple of ideas to make prayer viable in your day:
- Wake up earlier than the kids and use 15 minutes to pray or read the Scripture (This advice was given to me by a priest and has changed entirely the course of my days). Here make sure to place your plans in God's hands and ask for guidance for whatever is to come.
- Find quiet opportunities in chores to elevate a prayer, maybe praying a rosary while folding clothes? or just an Our Father/Hail Mary while doing dishes? keep God close as your day goes on!
- In the afternoon try to implement a quiet hour for you and the kids, where you can read, meditate or pray.
- Try as possible to go to the chapel at least one day a week. This time is ideal for you to get quality time alone and also to take advantage of the sacrament of reconciliation!
- Use your time outside in nature to lift a prayer or to stop and meditate.
- Take advantage of car rides! Here is where I do most of my thinking, prayers, and meditation believe it or not.
- And lastly, before going to bed, finish strong by reviewing your day and give to God all your worries and anxieties. Feel free to use these prayers: HERE and HERE.
Now that with meditation, solitude, silence, and prayer we overviewed our spiritual wellness, we should briefly explore practices that assure also our mental and emotional strength.
Simple things such as reading, writing, listening to music or repeat positive affirmations can definitely uplift your spirit and contribute to your overall wellness:
- Reading a good book for sure contributes to the health of your mind, not only because it provides you alternatives and expands your way of thinking but also because it slows you down and refreshes you from the overload of images found online. Your mind nowadays clearly needs a break from the burden of technology! I personally try to read a little bit every night, I have the habit of reading two or three books at the time, to keep some variety at hand.
- Personally, writing has been an amazing gift; there are times when I am completely overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions and I cannot seem to find a healthy channel to let it all out, so I reached out and a friend suggested to write a journal, so I did! It has helped me immensely to express all my emotions, to visualize my worries and goals, to find inspiration, be creative and to draw new hopes but most importantly, it has helped me to be accountable to myself, here is when this blog came about and by far it has been my greatest journal exercise ever!
- Listening to music to me, is such a powerful channel to express our emotions, is also a very successful way to let go of tension. Music has such an influential effect on our mood that it can almost be therapeutical. Call me crazy but I sing all the time and my repertoire varies depending on the emotion, I just belt it without prejudice and enjoy the adrenaline and freedom of being able to do it loudly😊 hahaha. I sing in the shower, in the car, when I am happy when I am frustrated and even when I am angry. Music brings me back to happier times. So, If I feel the need to cheer up, I just tune in my favorite songs and evoke that moment of happiness. Do it! Regardless if your kids think of it as overrated or boring; is part of who you are, enjoy and connect with yourself once again through music ♫♫♫... your music🎝🎝🎝!
- Positive affirmations or self-talk is a great way to build yourself up in difficult times. Words are powerful, but we forget and we are harsh on ourselves, we get stuck on the failures or mistakes and love to blame and label our actions. This kind of talk seems ok to us because we justify it behind discipline and righteousness, don't take me wrong accountability is good, but we all know what I am talking about here; at times we can be ruthless and crush our spirits with negativity and lack of compassion. So, learning to be kind to ourselves by the way we speak is a work of love, learning to speak words of light in times of darkness is a work of faith and learning to speak goodness at all times is a work of strength. Now, begin by enouncing short affirmations before your day begins, such as: "I am happy, healthy and filled with God's grace" fight your darkest moments with gratitude and hope instead of despair. Call me crazy again if you want, but I am hahaha 😊, I use the mirror, yes! I look myself in the eyes and speak these same words; is my way to get serious and concentrate. Is my way to connect and find "me" again. Talking to myself is important, not crazy, important! The first relationship I should cultivate is my own. I need to have my own back when the world seems to fall apart; if not me, then who will? We have the tendency to rely on others for moral support, but if they cannot fulfill the gap, I must be there for me, knowing that I am valuable and loved. I must remind myself these truths often assured that all the tools I need for every important change, reside within!
- Lastly, enjoy as much as you can the outdoors, being in contact with nature for sure lightens up the mental and emotional load we may carry. The park, the beach, the river, the mountains are wide enough, simple enough to let go of our burdens, sometimes all it takes is a deep breath to rediscover equilibrium and a fresh approach.
Social Network
Our social network is simply the people with whom we decide to share the ups and downs of our lives. The friends, the family members, and even the acquaintances that in a way help us mantain a grownup status and refresh our days with pleasant memories and support. This last aspect of self-care is such a powerful supplement for wellness because it keeps us as individuals and it preserves our identities outside motherhood.
Mothers have a hard time keeping up with social life for themselves, we strive hard on giving our kids one, but we leave behind and almost hide the fact that we can also enjoy the company and friendship of grownups. Our days are dedicated solely to the lives of our kids, and it seems at times that all the activities and celebrations revolve mostly around them. Hence let's make sure we have a network and a support system that celebrates us for who we are, with whom we can talk and laugh, go out and enjoy as well as to share hobbies and activities to keep us feeling adequate and inspired.
Motherhood can make you feel isolated, but it doesn't have to be that way. Is up to you to evoke your own happiness, so do not let these feelings take over your life; instead, take action and work hard in cherishing friendships that help you celebrate who you are, that can take you away from reality for an instant to brighten your day and that accepts you just as you are. They are the emotional fuel we so much need.
Now that end of the year draws near, let us take to heart this resolution: "I'll take care of myself first before taking care of others because I want to evoke happiness for me and my whole family".
Happy New year friends!
Thanks for reading
