Opening space for the littlest one!

Once again I am on bed rest... after all the crazy days behind and all the catching up and cleaning after the hurricane, I think I overdid it! I went into early labor, but fortunately, it was stopped. I have been able to hold on a bit more to ensure the baby comes safe and in more appropriate time. I am still couple weeks away to meet my dateline, so here I am resting, preparing, and opening space for our littlest blessing as best as I can.   

Opening space for this little one is a work of love and patience, you may think that after having 4 already I have it all figure it out... maybe in the general preparations, I have learned a few tips here and there, but to be honest, each birth has its own set of adjustments for the entire family. Adjustments not only related to the physical space in the home and time but also in everyone's heart. 

Having a large family anymore is seeing and harshly judged by outsiders as irresponsible and careless, is looked down to a burden and merely recognized as a gift. But I can assure you it is completely the opposite. Fear to open space is without a doubt the main factor of this kind of thinking, I know, I have been there too. I have to admit that being open to life and a large family is risky and a bit controversial, but very inside of me, there is a rebel that loves to swim against the current just to prove it wrong!  

My large family is far from being an irresponsible choice, I think nowadays is important not to live alone, and foster values like generosity and self-donation to a society that craves warmth and depth. Also as we grow so does our consciousness in managing the resources for every member, we stretch and adjust to a simple living filled more with values than things. Each of us is growing mindful of the other's needs, we are expanding our circle of compassion and learning to serve one another. We are aware once more to donate ourselves and to receive not a burden but a beautiful gift. 

Welcoming another baby for sure is a big stretch for a mom's heart,  I have to use prayer, it is the only way to become conscious of everyone's needs above my own, but not to worry! mom's heart is made to stretch that far and more! 5 kids and a husband far! My kids all need time and one on one moments. But how to get them all? well... I stumble miserably on this daily. It is hard. I run wild between my own hormonal craze, a toddler, pre-teen, a hyper boy and a quiet little girl hard to read. Now you may say whoa! that is a lot of psychology behind, what a drag! yes! It can be... but it is not so much when you love! It takes you places for sure, but it always centers you to give. 

So what are those needs my bunch asks of me? Well to begin, Reassurance: it doesn't matter if I assume my oldest girls already know I love them because they have been there already couple of times, or my boy seems to agree that it's going to be OK, they need to hear clear and individually that they are cherished and that even though they are older they still melt their parent's heart with a kiss or a long hug. I have noticed they are trying to keep up with the pace of it all, but they seem at times distant, like thinking distant, here is when I know I have to talk to them and search their hearts. Dialogue is essential in any relationship and hearing from mom and dad that they still hold their spot in our hearts is all they need even if they don't say it out loud. 

Recognition: everyone in this household has been working hard in serving each other, during this time; we, the parents provide and serve as our duty to our family... but also have the kids! I cannot express how much help they are to me when dad is not around,  from chores to make sure I keep my medications in check to endure my emotional ups and downs. Thanks to the advice of a dear friend we began our own "wall of fame" to recognize and celebrate everyone's effort. I wish I had thought of it sooner, it is a great initiative to ensure the kids we don't take them for granted!

Thanks to dialogue, I have discovered that unconsciously as things get busy with homeschool and chores I have lost love language: sadly yes, my oldest 3 and I at times only speak school, chores, faith or life, but I forget to show them affection as a result of routine and exhaustion😢and it breaks my heart to see it now. So this time before the baby arrives we need lots of cuddling, hugs, and kisses; small things like braiding each other's hair or cuddling during a read out loud can show closeness. It is amazing to see all our worries and tension go away with just this little token of affection. 

As the time gets closer I cannot help but notice, how they all want attention all in different ways but attention after all. Girls want to be heard, my boy wants to be part of something together and the toddler seems to sense the change as well so as you can imagine she displays even more demand! Here you may hear a prayer in the background... yes! I don't know at times how to divide and assertively give each one what they need. My plan? take it day by day and one thing at the time! I don't have to take care of everyone at once. Some days the girls seem to crave the attention, so I dedicate part of my time to them and listen to their stories or letting chat their hearts outs before bed on our one on one. Other times is my boy that wants to be noticed and I have to make a priority his space and build together something or shoot targets from the sofa with nerf guns just to validate his coolness! Obviously, every day the baby is in the spotlight with her new milestones, so she is the easiest to read, no one can resist her cuteness! 

By now I stretched at full capacity my attention for the kids, now remains... dad and why not... me! what are our needs? To begin I must say we share the same needs as the kids, we need to be validated, recognized, loved and cared for. My husband and I notice the rollercoaster ride and try to keep close, with little things such as a text or call in the morning, a special breakfast or dinner, we hold hands and cuddle; we need to foster the love and admiration for each other in order to give that to our children.  We are without a doubt their example and guide in how to handle life as it comes, so is imperative to be filled with graciousness and thoughtfulness in order to enrich the atmosphere of our home above any external pressure.

And because one cannot pour life or love into another when our own cup is empty, I need to concentrate on my own wellbeing first and foremost in order to be emotionally available for all of them. I have to say that my number one priority for sure is to take time to reflect and pray so I can collect all my emotions and thoughts and put them in perspective to later offer love, serenity, and understanding to my family. As well, time for self-care is very important so I can feel my best and bring them joy and enthusiasm. Lastly, I need time to feel and talk to my baby in the womb, to prepare and transmit all the love and hope we have for him.

It has been crucial to open these opportunities for each one of us; as I mentioned before, is a work in the midst of chaos, is a work of radical love and patience, is a donation of our time will and heart for each other. We discovered how love can be found in the little and the big, how creative and persistent we need to be, in order to accept wholeheartedly this beautiful gift of being a family. 

Now that everyone's cup is taking care of and the space in our hearts is wide open with joy and hope for his arrival, we must get to the practical preparations! crib ready, clothes laid out, supplies and plan in place for how we are going to manage hospital days and life at home after the arrival. In this final step, I have already the help of many friends and family ready to step in for us all. They have come up with precooked meals and offered help and assistance while I endure bedrest. Now, more than ever I see fit the common saying "it takes a village" it really does! we could not do this alone, God is providing He always does, either with people or circumstances, He is making sure, we know He is there on every face, on every occasion, on every prayer is been lifted, as long as we let Him in, He will not forsake. So please spare a prayer for us, as we are very close! thanks for following our journey!

Our little boy is ready to join our family any minute now and we are very excited to welcome him! We are about to be a family of 7! 

Hurricane Irma... 3 lessons 3 gifts!

Dear readers and friends, I am back at writing! Not sure where to even begin...
Sorry, it has taken this long to get back, but much has happened... 

I wish I had more uplifting and practical material for you, but this time I have to share difficult memories and reflections during this time of anguish and confusion...

A couple of weeks ago Florida was under the imminent hit of the most powerful hurricane ever seen. The news were trying to keep up with the phenomenon and even science was left uncertain of its path... At home we began preparations and took things very seriously; we have been through "Charlie" back in 2004 and know that hurricanes could rapidly escalate. At first, probability models were giving us a bit of hope that it may turn East towards the Atlantic, but as the days went by things were looking bad for the area I live. We stock up on food, supplies, put up the shutters and made sure we had a  suitcase ready in case of an evacuation due to flooding. We were not ready to leave like many did because we really were concerned about my husband's  job and my advanced pregnancy state. The news were devastating in the Caribbean and to the contrary of the predictions, touching land was not decreasing its size and power; worst of all, it was now coming straight to us. The forecast showed sadly that it was our turn to experience "Irma's eye" right over our city. 

That night I prayed incessantly, I was filled with fear for my kids and my baby not yet born, I begged God to calm the winds and the waters as He did in The Sea of Galilee. I entrusted myself to His providence and asked for guidance on what to do. You have no idea the anguish that filled my soul with the thought of the aftermath, I think I have never been so terrified yet so sure of God's power, I entrusted completely our family to His Divine Mercy. 

Next morning approached and I woke up unlikely early with so much anxiety in see how things developed overnight. I hoped for a miracle that could deliver us from a catastrophic hurricane. But the news were worst than I ever hoped; "Irma" had doubled its size and remained a high category 4 almost 5 hurricane, the possibility of flooding and surge was now at the catastrophic level ... 
Here my life stopped for a minute and horror filled every inch of my body. I begged my husband to leave, he was not that concerned before, but with the latest turn of events, it took him by surprise and almost disbelieve to acknowledge the imminent threat. He decided to agree with me and we began to pack like crazy. Kids were sleeping and we had to act fast, we had only one day, roads were packed and gas was not a guarantee. We called our family and told them our decision, it was crazy late but at the same time at the edge of being possible, we hoped we could all go, but instead, they had to stay, not easy stuff to process in such a short time, but we had to make sure the kids were safe first and foremost ...

Surviving... All comes down to this! 
Did you ever imagine having your life turned upside down all of the sudden the way we had and think of surviving? crazy!   It surely took us by surprise, no one is ever ready for something like this ... We have it all planned out! right? but what about normal? here is where life gets real my friends, and all our fantasy world of planning and routine and silly structures takes a turn to important matters. Life can change in a matter of seconds and not at all lined to our plans. Take a brief moment to meditate on what this means and calls for our attention: we have to learn to live life as it comes not as we think it should be, do we even have control of anything anyways? We live by faith, every step of the way, this lesson of acceptance and humility and surrender of our own will is not to take lightly. What we have learned, changed deeply the way we have been handling life, once again try to think with me at that moment... all becomes simple: just take with you your loved ones and essentials, leave everything behind and if you have the chance to leave do it at once without hesitation but trustful surrender... 

That was my real moment, friends!

Our family and our parents supported us more than we can ever imagine, their sacrificial love was the biggest treasure and love lesson I ever witness before, those seconds of fast thinking and clarity in the midst of chaos reveal of a person what it truly  is in their hearts and where their treasure lays.. friends I cannot stress enough the pondering all these left me... 

Once on the road, just getting out of Florida as fast as possible, was the main focus, the size of Irma was massive and covered the entire state so there was no time to stop. We had no idea where to head more than North so I used social media to get resources that could help us maneuver roads and gas. Here is where the love began to pour: yes! friends and family even strangers, beautiful strangers heard us and became involved, active. They began to pray, to guide, to offer their help abundantly!

With this preamble of what Irma meant even before it passed by, I came to meditate the 3 lessons and 3 gifts we were given during this time. 

I can say the First lesson I learned was to "let go and let God" all the way ... yes! letting go of control is a struggle in the normal basis for me, but this time I had no choice but to let go fear. Fear of our family members being trapped or hurt, fear of powerlessness for the suffering many will endure, fear of going into labor, fear of the unknown situation after coming back, fear of fear... Irma took us all for a ride ... an uncertain ride, all we could do, was to let life unfold the way was already heading, whatever God had in store for us was His will and we had to accept it.

The second lesson was to "Pray like if all depends on God and work like it all depends on you" we did everything we had to do to secure our home and prepare for the aftermath, and last minute we put all our might in keeping  safe our family, but we were powerless against Irma and that was a fact, then we did what our hearts needed the most... Pray! desperately we needed to drop our load onto stronger shoulders, we needed to depend completely on the One everything belongs to, we had to ask for an extraordinary help, we had to plea for mercy upon many, we had to extend our circle of compassion and pray for every soul that was about to be affected by this. Only God could be entrusted with this! We were completely in His hands. 

The third lesson I must say was to "never underestimate the power of prayer".  As soon as trust is in place, suddenly a breeze of peace takes over. I was amazed at the outpour of prayers and honest concern from our loved ones and friends; it is powerful and plain beautiful. You come to understand unity in a new light, like a force of goodness, prayer for one another lifts you up from despair to hope.

With this last lesson, we received the first gift: Mercy. As I mentioned it before Irma entered Florida as a strong category 4 hurricane and advanced throughout unlike any other. Scary enough to suck up the waters off the shore and with an impressive pressure that was detected even by earthquake's sensors. It surely hit badly they keys and brought an unbelievable amount of water. But as it came closer to our city it decreased in power and was reduced to category 3. Glory be to God! we expected the worst. Many may say it was luck, it was just a consequence of landing, but I am completely sure it was prayer that made this possible! We were granted mercy! Nevertheless, the damage was large and complex, but again it could it be way worst.

The second gift was without a doubt: Family.  Our family members were our biggest treasure, we rediscovered in a deep sense the feel of it. Family took us out of the storm, family sheltered us from the storm and family strengthened us after the storm. Their generous hearts, their honest concern, their loving welcome cannot be forgotten. God was with us in each one of them. Our hearts were humbled, open to receive and grateful beyond measure. God bless you all, we love you!

And lastly the third gift was a renewed desire to live: Cannot lie, there was much anxiety, darkness, and hopelessness during all this, maybe my pregnant self-was a bit more sensitive to all this than the average person. But I can assure you that my mind raced with questions: why a baby? why now? why like this? I thought of pain and suffering to the extent of despair, yes! I was weak and a coward. My faith trembled, but at the same time I looked for Him more than ever and surrender to whatever He decided to do with me and my family. Our Lord was faithful when I was weak, and He provided more than I could ever hope for us. His gift of life is that everlasting promise of unconditional love. This baby has a purpose and each one of my kids, at this pretty moment and under this circumstances, all this is His will at work.  

Coming back was the other part of this experience. Main roads were closed and power and water were not fully restored. We were just half way from facing all these chaos. We made it back through alternate roads and were prepared with gas and supplies from up North. Luckily we came after much was already done. I was admired and devastated to see the damage and the recovery simultaneously. I longed to get home, but I knew we had -along with the rest of Floridians- to deal with the lack of power at our house. With kids and in my state I knew, it was going to be a challenge, but I also knew that workers were doing above and beyond to reestablish us all back to normality.


We endured only two days of this, it wasn't easy but we were grateful to find a home and all our stuff intact, we also had water and our neighbor offered to share his generator to power some fans to help us through the night. It was not ideal, but let's be real we had more than others and we were grateful. It is easy to fall in desperation, but we are blessed to be in a country where things get restored one way or the other. It is inspiring to see everyone providing, comforting others and donating themselves: from first responders, power line workers, grocery store staff, to neighbors. 

We are now back to "normal" and exhausted from this journey, but with a load of meditations lessons and gifts, no other experience could provide. Some are vulnerable, others feel strong, others uncertain, others assured, but I can say we are all changed by these interior storms. We have shared suffering and hope. We have been granted the chance to rebuild, to be grateful and to be mindful.

If you are reading this and do not live in a disaster area, take the time to ponder all these things in your heart and expand prayers and acts of thoughtfulness towards those who lost much, but above all use your blessings to be hope! go ahead hug your loved ones tight, rediscover their eyes and thank God for His will in your life. 

Thanks for reading
Blessings
Liz