catch me if you can!

Here goes another post about motherhood... Or... maybe not?  well... I wanted to start writing about homeschooling and homemaking but right now, recovery is very important, so all my material and meditations have been concentrated mostly in motherhood and why not... me!

This couple of weeks have been very challenging for me, not just because I am trying to heal while I juggle between my new routine with the baby, the toddler and my homeschool children, but because I cannot seem to find time to just be! 

Life as a mother feels at times if not always as an episode of a script out of "catch me if you can" series! so much going on, so many to serve, so little time, so much to do! But, where on that list says "me"? I feel like I am catching up with everyone but ... will I ever catch "me"? Will I ever find "me" in the midst? It seems that I am always in "mother" mode, so...  Does this means then, that being a "mother" replaces my "self" identity?  Am I one or the other? Both? Neither? Do I care and nurture one more than the other? Is there a middle? hmm... let's pause and talk about this for a minute. Shall we?

Once upon a time when we were younger, we knew who we were, what we liked, what made us happy, where we were heading, we had it figure it out; we even knew motherhood was where life was calling us to go, but just when we had those babies, all our plans went undone, Yes! Beautifully undone! We left our expectations and projects behind and enrolled full time in that long life lesson of being a "mother". We have learned thanks to motherhood to serve others more than ourselves, which is great! but suddenly, we began to feel burnt, exhausted, almost desolated and confused. Then, what seems to be the problem? What could be so dysfunctional, that is draining the joy of just being "me"? Maybe ...  (I am just thinking out loud here) we have immersed in our kid's lives so much ... that we forgot to tend our own. Yes! it is possible, it happens! We do this! at times, we think way too much about them to the point of leaving us behind. 

I am not only speaking here for myself, I have been thinking about this subject lately, after reading many posts online of mothers struggling to get time for themselves, moms needing a break, moms exhausted in their journey, that are running low in self-esteem, and forgot to be happy, forgot who they were or what made them special and unique, many of them have lost ability in the skills once they were passioned it about. They got caught in disciplining the children, in classes and rehearsals, in competing and cheering in rushing to care, console and heal, they got tangled in the stress of it all, in worry and routine, and now... they wish upon a breath.

Here, It does not really matter how many kids you have or if you stay home or not, we are all givers and we love our children, but we are overcommitted and we are taking too much control of things forgetting that our kids also need to be left to earn the benefits and experiences of life, and sadly we are paying the price of that devotion, sometimes with our very health (physical and mental) and self-worth, if we do not learn to balance those two identities: "mother" and "self". 

Learning to identify who we are after experiencing motherhood is essential to seek balance, many things you are as a mother not necessarily align with who you are or are capable of doing, so, "Who am I?" is the most important question we have to ask ourselves in order to put together this gap in motherhood, this void of identity we sometimes go through. To begin, this question intends by no means a war between motherhood and "self" but rather a wider view where "self" can see motherhood as a fulfillment where to grow and love. In this light, I can say that first I am an individual, a woman whose path was to walk in the shoes of motherhood to enrich who she is! You see? eventually, kids will leave the home and we will be again on our own trying to cope with who we were at the very beginning, and if we don't catch up on who we are... then... we will crash! we will roll down the deep. Therefore, to acknowledge our gifts, our flaws, and strengths, our dreams and aspirations,  as well as tending to our physical and spiritual  needs is a way to catch up on "self"  and a very solid base from where we can fly confident and offer others all that we have to share so generously.

Since we cannot offer anything out of an empty vessel and we cannot bloom if we are dry, we have to fill our "self" vessel often in order to nurture others. We have to first take care of our own healing, our own happiness. Caring for "self" is a serious responsibility and a priority as well as caring for the wellbeing of our families. 

Many feel guilty about this and think of it as selfishness, caprice, and even vanity; but I am not suggesting here the embellishing of one and the neglecting of the other, what I am suggesting is that both, "self" and "mother" need to be replenished in their own particular way, but at times we are deliberately  and almost dangerously neglecting ourselves to strive in motherhood. Now the question is this: Is it worth it? Is it working? Clearly no. Our kids are getting at times the leftovers if not the worst of us. Our kids naturally mirror from us the basic skills of self-love and self-esteem, so for the sake of both, let's take a deeper look at how balanced our lives are at this pretty moment. 

Having the chance to reflect on this subject a little deeper has given me room to explore healthy and loving alternatives to catch up on "me"...  if you can! 😊so, I will continue this subject in a related post, where I will share a set of practices I have implemented in my life to redeem myself in times of dysfunction and neglect, because what better gift can you give your loved ones, than a happy and healthy you? nothing! 

Nevertheless, bloom for the sake of blooming. grow for the sake of living your own set of gifts. Start loving "you" to better love others, start forgiving "you", so you can forgive others; mainly, free yourself to be who you are, and never ever feel guilty or tired of doing so,  because God gave you life so you can live it to plenitude!

I really hope many of you have found this reflection interesting because there are so many of us mothers unconsciously yearning for balance and searching for some kind of validation! 

Thanks for reading! make sure to follow up my upcoming post...