Tamtrums, drama and other frustrations...

 

"Only when we are brave enough t explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light"

-Brene Brown-

It has been a while since I have written a post... Nine months to be exact...   

I miss it! 

In all fairness, I need to confess to you, my readers; that more than a writer's block I really needed to find the courage and clarity to continue with this blog. I have been postponing it on purpose, by neglecting my passion for writing because I began to doubt myself; I believed I had very little to offer... I gave up writing because I fell hard for comparison and discouragement. I was so exhausted mentally and physically, that I could not help but keep asking myself: What could I possibly share with others about homeschooling, motherhood, family or faith? if in daily life I barely could keep it all together? 

I have been once again, overwhelmed, thrown from my horse, cornered, exhausted, frustrated and confused, to say the least. My self-esteem has been at an all-time low, so believe me when I tell you, the words I am typing are filled with deep emotion and driven by the hope of healing and liberation.

Lately, it feels I have failed in almost every aspect of my life: keeping up with my home, adjusting to my growing family, allowing myself to have time for me or my marriage, homeschool, duties, and chores... It hasn't been easy to adapt to our new chaotic life. Last school year was very crowded; between the hurricane, the birth of my baby, the recovery and the holidays, homeschool was left behind, we had way too many days off and the kids were growing less and less connected to the routine we once had. It was hard to take back the flow, or schedule of any kind: sleep, meals, school, chores... you name it! The pressure of multitasking and transitioning took a toll on me and subsequently on the kids. My mornings were already dragged from the night before with the baby; new dramas from my toddler and tension from the kids awaited as the day went by. Kids grew whiny, mom began to yell and cry, and cry some more... you get the picture. Everyone needed attention and direction. We were clueless on how to respond effectively but more importantly: graciously. 

We forgot how to respond, instead, we began to react! 


These months have been as hard as you can ever imagine... The drama, the tantrums, and the frustrations have poured heavily on all of us!

The tantrums, for example, began to emerge in my toddler. It wasn't easy for "lollipop" to feel pushed aside from being the center of attention; even though we strived to make her feel involved, she rapidly felt the change of tide in the dynamics of our family. Being 2 years old is hard as it is! She is still learning to communicate her needs, and her abilities take her only so far... so what does she do about it? She throws a tantrum! Toddlers have so much going on, they have a plan but is limited by their size and capability. Oh, my poor lollipop! I get her! her needs need to be met! she looks for guidance and reassurance, she needs my calm to sort things out. If I could only remember this when It happens... If I could only lead her... At times mommy also throws tantrums. Mommy also gets crushed by her limitations. I guess I can say from experience that tantrums are just the ineffective way to express how greatly overwhelmed you truly feel; is the cusp of exasperation! 

The drama instead, rises in the midst of the older ones. Is that constant reminder of discontent with all the adjustments we have made; is the roller coaster of emotions blown out of proportion. Any more, it seems that a minor issue always results in a mini-crisis. Sadly, complaining surely is becoming our primary language. I must confess is exhausting, emotionally exhausting to be the main problem-solving advocate. At times I am lost, literally out of solutions to their plights!

Agent 007 is the boy of the house, his wild and rambunctious games fill our days with fun for sure! But does not necessarily synchronize as harmoniously as I would imagine with his two older sisters... is hard to keep everyone at peace and uplift everyone's role. Girls are getting older and are searching for privacy, while my little man is charged with the most contagious enthusiasm and energy!  as you can imagine things just... clash, between them. Generally they get along great, but lately, they all have to push each other buttons and without warning... Boom! Drama is born! Miss Poppins and Popsicle unite their cry so mom can free them from their wild brother hahhaha 😄, they set their predicament with such a passion, (you cannot make this stuff up!) that details are unnecessary because they could be any little thing! yes, I  get called infinite times!  so I step in the middle of their issues already drained by my own. Once again, we all get dragged into this vicious cycle of reacting instead of responding... 

Ha! I thought I already learned how to help them regulate their emotions and communicate effectively, but the bottom line is that I personally do not know how to regulate my own emotions under pressure or communicate effectively. All seems good when everyone is doing well, is synchronized and cooperates; everything just flows then! but the truth is, that lately, we are all far from being synchronized. We feel being dragged by the many changes and circumstances. It is hard, you know? no one teaches you this kind of emotional intelligence, where instinctively you can turn things around with gratitude and contempt to channel all the attention seeking into empathy and connection.  Sometimes you don't need to confront problems right away or find solutions, sometimes all you need is to see things from above instead. Simply changing the perspective can bring just the right sense! So, here I may say, I share their common drama every time I feel the urge to complain or let my emotional pressure corner me to the edge of despair, blowing everything out of proportion and letting it turn into an unnecessary crisis. 

By now you may be wondering... What about those frustrations? Well, I can only tell you mine! For starters, I have to admit how much frustration it caused me to finish this post! You see? I am semi-new at blogging, not an expert at all, I have no strategy or agenda, I just want to write! But, the many interruptions, delays, and setbacks drained my goal to continue with this personal project.

I tell you... The story of my life never seems to align with my perfectly crafted plans! 

Nevertheless, this is precisely the main root of my constant frustrations. Yes! I had plenty of time to discover that! I struggle with life in this sense... surrendering to the now!

One thing you may need to know about me is how delusional I can be sometimes about planning and organizing... I am always aiming high on expectations... unrealistic expectations... and every time I fall short! no wonder! I skip the present, and busy my time with the rush of the future outcome, leaving all the details and process behind. Therefore frustration strikes whenever I resist surrendering to what the "now" will unfold, will bring, will teach ... It comes across as if I wanted to shield my failures and weaknesses by the planning and coverage of all the possible fronts... How exhausting don't you think?... maybe I just need a nap? hahaha seriously! I do... but, I guess what I am trying to say here, is that it is time for me, to let go of my version of well-being and stability. It is time, to simply let go my version of "me" and begin to embrace the beauty of the present, with all its shapes and forms, the beauty of my flaws and limitations and let life unfold and present itself as a learning experience. Maybe is time to let go of my pride and accept how fragile and weak I can be without shame or bitterness. I should turn to Him and finally surrender...  

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." I will all the more gladly boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; for when I am weak, then I am strong

2 Corinthians, 12: 7-10

Not sure if any of you reading through, can relate at some level, and see what the root of all the tantrums, drama, and frustrations might reside in each one of us. Whatever our path, we share the spectrum of reactions and responses to what we go through and is precisely there where our power resides. Our time is much better spent when we decide to listen to understand instead of replying, to reflect and ask God to work on our hearts right in the middle of our conflict rather than trying to defy it while riding solely on our emotions.

I have so much to learn... and as I go on learning my way, I have to simultaneously show my little ones that sometimes we are a mess while others we will be the brooms, sometimes we will be in control and others we will be at our worst, but is OK! because we are only humans trying our way up, we are in this together: to grow, to forgive and to love unconditionally. 

So, the truth is that I have failed! but no, I am not a failure. I am only overwhelmed.
No, I am not a hypocrite because I want to write about motherhood, faith, and homeschool while falling apart, and trying to figuring it out. I am only being real. 
Do I have little to offer? maybe I do, maybe all I have is this broken vessel of my life, where light refuses to dim out and pushes through the cracks revealing a rare kind of beauty.

I am ready to embrace this new chapter of our lives, with a clear mind and open heart. I am ready to write as I go, I am learning to conquer together with my family the tantrums, drama, and frustrations by recovering peace while in conflict. I am realizing that doing my best differs according to my circumstances and I need my kids to know this exactly! because is all they really want to hear from me anytime and all the time: "I love you unconditionally".

Thank you, for reading and for following us from the very beginning. If you are just joining our journey, likewise! I hope this new chapter I am about to write and share with you will bring much more fruit and growth and can serve you in any possible way. 

Our Holiday ham dinner!

Our signature holiday ham dinner is served at our house for Christmas,  and for Easter, but this year we are adding it to the feast of the Epiphany, see it HERE. It is fairly easy (perfect for me 😏) and delicious! I personally love to make it! But my kids helped me prepare it this time around.

The main course is glazed ham with pineapple and cherries accompanied white rice, (it never fails in a Colombian family dinner) Russian potato salad, devil eggs, and fried plantains. Let me show you how we prepare it:

first...

THE HAM

INGREDIENTS

• Fully cooked semi-boneless ham 
• 1 fresh/can of pineapple slices
• Maraschino cherries
• Ham glaze (I used Boars head brown sugar and spice)
• toothpicks

Step 1.

Pour the brown sugar glaze over the ham 

Step 2.

Bathe the ham in pineapple and cherry juice to ensure moisture. Here, you begin to decorate the ham by securing the pineapple slices and cherries with toothpicks throughout.

Step 3.

Preheat the oven to 325° and cook each pound for 20 minutes! 

Step 4.

All done! now serve and place in a bed of parsley with some cherries for decoration!

RUSSIAN POTATO SALAD

INGREDIENTS

• 1 Bag of potatoes (we used Idaho)
• 1 lb of Sweet peas
• Mayonnaise
• 1/2 Lemon
• Parsley

STEP 1.

Peel the potatoes and dice them.

Popsicle peels and dices the potatoes!

STEP 2.

Boil the potatoes and peas separately.

STEP 3.

Mix the boiled potatoes and peas with the mayo.

STEP 4.

Lastly, squeeze the half of a lemon into the mix and use a bit of parsley to decorate. All done here!

DEVIL EGGS

INGREDIENTS

• 1 dozen eggs
• Mayonnaise
• Yellow mustard
• Salt and pepper to taste
• Ziploc bag

STEP 1.

Boil the eggs for about 8 minutes, when done peel them and cut them in half. Then, proceed to remove the yolk in a separate bowl.

Miss Poppins tackles the devil eggs like a pro!

STEP 2.

Mix the yolk with a spoonful of mayo and mustard until creamy. Then add salt and pepper to taste.

 STEP 3.

Use the Ziploc bag to pour the yolk mix onto the eggs. Put all the yolk mix inside the bag, when done, cut a small corner of the bag and begin filling the eggs. That's all! Your devil eggs are ready to serve!

Her favorite part!

WHITE RICE

INGREDIENTS

(Serves 6)

• 3 cups of rice
•  6 cups of water
• 2 TBSP olive oil
• 1/2 tsp salt 
• 1/2 tsp of garlic powder or minced garlic

STEP 1.

Mix the oil, salt, and garlic in the rice cooker.

STEP 2.

Pour the rice and the water.

Agent 007 reaches out for the rice!

STEP 3.

Set the rice cooker on -white rice- setting and you are done!

That is it! we also add to our meal fried plantains, but they are an easy item all you do is slice them and fry them; our choice is always ripe plantains with this ham because of its sweetness, it just goes right together.

I am open to try other foods in the future, but for now, this one is winning the heart of my family, we are looking forward to Easter to do it all over again 😉

Thanks for reading!

The Feast of the Epiphany! Our new family tradition.

A couple of days ago, our family celebrated for the first time the Feast of the Epiphany. As a Catholic, I am all for rituals and traditions, so this year, I want to start adding new family memories around the liturgical year, (outside the major ones like Christmas, Lent, and Easter) to enrich not only our faith but also our family life.

As I mentioned above, we never celebrated before the feast of the Epiphany. Is known that countries like Spain and Italy observe King's Day just as the West celebrates Christmas; with a special family meal and exchange of the gifts, but as I began to explore farther on this feast I noticed how the church around the world holds many different sets of gestures and customs rich in symbolism worth to try here at home. 

To begin, the feast of the Epiphany or King's day honors the adoration of the three Magi to baby Jesus. This feast carries deep symbolism behind the homage of the foreign wise men to the  Jewish child, it represents essentially the first manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles. This manifestation was exalted solemnly by the Magi with the treasures they gift Him; with Gold, to honor His kingship; with Frankincense to honor His priesthood and Myrrh to honor His sacrifice. As I said, if you think about it, these symbols are very meaningful in terms of faith, it pretty much points us to not just follow Jesus, but to adore Him. You see? these men from afar recognized His divinity without being foretold of the prophecies or formed previously in the faith per say, they recognized the Divine presence of Jesus and honored him accordingly. With this in mind, let us now understand the many traditions around this feast. I am super excited to do this every year with my kids!

The first custom we adopted was the Spanish tradition of the hay in the shoes! I have a dear friend who lived in Spain for years, and told me how the little kids the night of the 5th place hay inside their shoes for the kings' camels to eat; in exchange, the kings leave a little present as a token of appreciation. The gifts can be chocolate gold coins, a saint medal, or a fruit.

Lollipop watches as we explain the hay is for the camels to eat!

Everyone's shoes ready for the Kings' arrival

The following day, on the feast day January 6th, we chalked our entrance door and pray the Epiphany house blessing to receive the new year. I did the chalking of the entrance door back on 2015 after I saw it on Pinterest, but failed on doing it the following years. So this time we are renewing our inscription on the wall with the customary format: 

+20 C M B 18+

• The initials C M B stand for the traditional names of the three Magi: Caspar, Melchior, and Balthazar.

or

• They also abbreviate the Latin words Christus mansionem benedicat, “May Christ bless the house.”

Miss Poppins chalking the door for 2018!

Following the chalking of the door, we prayed together at the entrance of the house a beautiful Epiphany prayer I found online HERE, asking God to bless our home, us and everyone who visits.

There are many more rituals you can incorporate to celebrate this feast, such as: 

• Bake a "King's cake" or "Roscon de Reyes" which is basically a bundt cake, where you place several surprises inside the dough, like candy jewels, a porcelain figure of a baby wrapped in foil, and a dry bean. This Spanish tradition, says that whoever finds the baby will have good luck and will be the king of the party, but if you find the bean you will be poor! hehehe watch out for the bean!😏
• Many other baked goods like star or crown cookies wrapped in golden paper and ribbons are to be exchanged after the holiday meal.  
• Others bake a birthday cake for baby Jesus!
• Is traditional in many homes to move the kings of their nativity scene around the home to finally arrive at the manger on January 6th. 

Finally, there is the special holiday meal, it can be a custom local dish, ham, or an Eastern food like lasagna or chicken marsala. We decided to go this time for our signature holiday ham dinner.

Our holiday ham dinner is served at our house for Christmas,  and for Easter. It is fairly easy (perfect for me 😏) and delicious! I personally love to make it! The main course is glazed ham with pineapple and cherries accompanied white rice, (it never fails in a Colombian family dinner) Russian potato salad, devil eggs, and fried plantains. This year, I was lucky to count with the help of my 3 oldest children; Miss Poppins, popsicle, and Agent 007. Each one helped me to prepare a side, while I cooked the ham.

Find out how we prepared it HERE.

At the end, is all about family and memories! We surely had tons of fun. The beauty of traditions and the holiday season is the richness of the symbols we create to come closer to the mysteries of the faith, and the treasure that is to pass it to the next generation.

What traditions are meaningful to you? which ones would you like to incorporate next year?
I would love to hear your comments! Thanks for reading.